The "C" Word

It has arrived at our house, once again.

The phase known to most as the "terrible twos".  Truth be told, I have always found three to be more challenging, but there are times in the life of a two year old that leave those in authority over him to think it a "terrible" phase.

I am certain that it is by God's perfect design that along with the challenges of parenting a toddler go the joy-filled and most adorable moments.

I, for one, couldn't bear the thought of missing out on the little guy folding his chubby hands, confidently offering up his sincere prayers to "Dear Dog" in order to be spared the wails of the same little one at bedtime on a day without a nap.  Or to miss out on little arms spread and held up high, the little voice exclaiming, "HOLD YOU PEAS!"  (Translation: Hold me please!) in order to avoid the inevitable mess under the high chair and the sticky fingers that no matter how many times they're wiped find their way to my favorite articles of clothing.

It's for these reasons, and many others, that I dare not call two terrible.

How does one parent through the trying times of two?

The answer is found in one word.

Consistency.

He must know that you mean what you say and you say what you mean.  Both your words and actions must match.  A toddler is brighter than he may appear.  He will not easily be sucked in by empty threats of punishment.  We must follow through, and discipline must be immediate - not a looming future threat.

Most often, the fussing of a two year old is a test.  He needs structure and limits.  He naturally will test those limits consistently, and it's our job as parents, to consistently train him to not cross them.

Only with consistent training will the little one eventually learn the limit, and learn that you are serious about upholding it.

Further, consistent prayer is needed as we train our little ones.  We need a constant supply of patience and grace as we fulfill the call to train our children well.

We have a struggle in our house lately.

Little Noah does not love bedtime.  He likes his bed, he loves the room he shares with big brother Elijah, and he loves his favorite blankets.  He goes down just fine.  He settles in, but then boredom sets in if sleep does not.  He then thinks maybe he'll peek out the door to see what he's missing.  He knows the limits of our home enough to know that discipline awaits on the other side of the door, should he venture out without need.  Regardless, he tests from time to time to be sure that limit still applies.

Thankfully, once he is asleep, he's all set aside from the occasional bad dream or soaked-through diaper, but oh the frustration of returning to that bedroom time and again to lay him back down and tuck him back in. There are evenings when there are things to be done, evenings when Dan is home and we would like to simply relax in peace.  Other nights when Dan is out and I am just waiting for days end to pick up that book I've been reading now for several months!

I know from experience, however, that the book can wait.  The chores, if done tonight, will just need doing again tomorrow, and if Dan is home I have at least the benefit of good company in consistent training and discipline and I am only then responsible for every other tuck in.

As with all phases, this one too will pass - and it will pass all too quickly!  I have learned that with consistent training, the child will learn.  He will find safety and security in the limits set and one day just around the corner, I will realize it's been a while since I've had to return to that bedroom to guide the little one back to bed.  Around the same time I will realize, with a twinge of sadness undoubtedly, that he will be praying to God instead of "dog", and no longer will he be asking to hold me.

Consistency is key.

Without it, limits are not limits set for the benefit of all, they are simply suggestions and that model inevitably leads to chaos and unruliness.  

Training without consistency is not training at all.

Without consistency, the child is given much reason to not respect your authority.  Given that God ordained that parents rule over their children, what a disservice we do our children if we do not require obedience!  If we do not require that which God requires, we lead the child to not only disobey us, but to disobey the 4th commandment!

These times, this wonderful year of two, are far more pleasant for both ourselves and our children when we train consistently - doing all things as unto the Lord - knowing that the long term benefit far outweighs the inconvenience of a few fleeting, sometimes hectic days with a two year old.

*This video of Noah, above, is of him fulfilling his duties as "Hershey Kiss Unwrapper" during Christmas baking.  He took his job quite seriously, and very much enjoyed it, and ate far fewer of them than I'd expected.  Contrary to popular belief, joyful and peaceful times like these can certainly be had and enjoyed with a toddler much more often that not.* 

*To view, kindly pause the music player in the left hand side bar.*

The Shine-A Bug, and other scary things

"I scared a flies, Mama!"

We hear this daily.  He's scared of flies.  No.  He's really scared of flies!  Paranoid.  The 35 pound toddler is simply petrified.  He shakes like a leaf at the mention of a simple house fly, or for that matter anything that even resembles a house fly!
Uh huh... things such as cotton balls ripped up by big brothers and sent floating in the bathtub.  And straw wrapper bits being blown around restaurant tables in two year old Noah's general direction.

Don't misunderstand.  He's not afraid of much.  He gets bulled over in the backyard by his brothers playing tackle football and he giggles.  He plays hockey in the driveway - his brothers on roller blades. The big boys make Noah play goalie, a position he gladly and happily fills.  Balls fly at him as fast as boys on skates can send them, and he's not phased.

A house fly on the other hand is another matter entirely.  It's hysterically funny.  It got even funnier the night that I tucked him into his crib and thought I saw something on Mimi.  I jumped and pulled the blanket from the crib.  As I did so, I said {clearly without thinking}, "Ooh- that looks like a bug the size of China!"  Noah scrambled to his feet saying, "Bug-a-size-a-shina!?"  I reassured him that there was no bug and that what I thought resembled a large bug was just a newly torn hole in well-loved Mimi.

I won myself a mid-night trip to the babe's room that night!  The poor thing was crying, "I scared a shine-a bug!  I scared a flies!" I had to shake out all the blankets before putting them all back in his crib.  Only after they were all shaken would he lay back down and settle for sleep.

These little passing phases pass so quickly that I cannot remember at all what my other sons feared at this age.  I do recall a number of night terrors with our oldest around this age, and our middle son certainly had his list of fears, but like most childhood phases it passed so quickly that I can no longer recall the specifics.

It does seem, however, that the Shine-A-bug, if for no other reason than how hard we've laughed, will be one of those memories that sticks.  It may take it's place with other sweet memories like "pean-tut sauce" {Isaiah's words spoken with a lisp when he was small, for peanut butter} and "chewelve" {the way Elijah still pronounces the number twelve and the way Noah stands, two fingers in his mouth and his other pointer finger stuck in his belly button.  If his shirt's in the way, we hear "can't find ya button!"

For now, in the midst of this fun (for us) phase, we will keep tickling him every time we speak of flies.  It seems a good and fun distraction, and surely he'll learn one of these days that flies are harmless, and there's no such thing as a "shine-a bug".

A Most Joyful Noise

All week we have had the pleasure of having little Noah serenading us.  

The song we have heard day in and day out for some time goes something like this: "Amazing grace, how sweet... to trust in Jesus... loves all the little children... How great our God... saved me..."

It's his own song, the song in his heart, and in case you didn't recognize it, it is a compilation of Amazing Grace, 'Tis So Sweet, Jesus Loves the Little Children and How Great is Our God.

He just goes about his day singing parts of each of these, his favorite songs.

It's sweet sounds like these that have shown us the fruit of a decision Dan and I made years ago.  We decided sometime before the birth of our oldest child that we would not listen to secular radio.  We tucked away all our old CD's and began to familiarize ourselves with Christian music.  With no local Christian radio station, this has taken a bit of creativity, especially early on, in the pre-iPod dial-up internet days.

I think what initially prompted our decision was the day I was driving a mini van belonging to a family I was nannying for.  The mom had her Shaggy CD in the player and before I even realized what was playing, the children, both just toddlers at the time, began singing along.  They knew every word by heart.  It was about then that I decided I wanted my own children, when we had them, to have a very different song in their hearts.

Sure the message of many secular songs can be said to be "not that bad", and in very few cases the overall theme of some songs may actually be good.  Unfortunately, it's very difficult to filter out the "not that bad" from the atrocious and we decided it was simply better for us, and for who were then our future children, to nix it altogether.

Now, we have learned to enjoy jazz, classical and a wide variety of Christian music.  Our children know that there is other, more popular music and they recognize some of it.  It plays in dentist offices, grocery stores, shopping malls and restaurants.

They understand why we listen to different music at home and though none of us are musically gifted, Dan has done a wonderful job of instilling in the children a love of music, and a love of worship through song.

There may be no more joyful noise than that of a two year old singing Amazing Grace while in the bathtub getting ready for bed, or a six year old singing This is My Father's World while feeding his "pet cricket" (that he named Christopher) out on the front step, or the sound of a nine year old humming How Great Thou Art while whittling baby Jesus out of balsa wood for the nativity he's creating.  And yes, when it's all happening at once it sure is noise... but such joyful noise!

When the day ends, we gather for family worship.  Prayer, scripture reading and worship through song.  Oftentimes, the song placed on a young heart is the pick of the evening.  Lately, poor Noah can't decide which one to choose.

"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God."  Colossians 3:16 

Favorite Books --of a 9 year old boy

When he was little we began to fill the tiny child sized bookshelf.  He loved to be read to.  He loved to thumb through the colorful pages of his books on his own.

When he was an infant I read to him from the Bible often, and we read Paddington Bear.  When he was two I read him The Wind in the Willows.  He doesn't remember either.  As he grew we continued our Bible reading and we read aloud Charlotte's Web, Christie's Old Organ, The Little Woodchopper, The Hidden Rainbow.

We talked about them and great lessons grew out of those most wonderful stories.  Though for me those are sweet memories of time spent with my oldest child, he doesn't recall them at all, or the conversations we had.  Some he has since reread on his own.

The little bookshelf one day overflowed.  We filled another, larger, one.  We grew even more selective about what we allowed to occupy a precious space on the shelf.  We got rid of anything that could be classified as twaddle (n. books that are silly, foolish, trivial, nonsensical, insignificant).

Finding quality literature for little boys is not always easy, but it is certainly possible.  It does take time and effort to filter out that which is valuable from that which is merely popular.  The time and effort is well worth it...

...That small boy who used to lay with his head tucked on my shoulder, night after night, listening to story after story has just turned nine, his head now at my shoulder as he stands beside me.

As I type, my eye glances at his father's bookshelves, filled to overflowing.  Mine look much the same.  Apples don't fall far from the tree.  Our younger sons' following in the footsteps of their oldest brother.  They are apples from the same tree.

As Isaiah, the boy now nine, was nearing this birthday I asked him for a list.  A list of his 25 favorite books.  One's he has read all on his own.

He said, "Sure Mom!  I will put them in order of my favorite for you!"

I smiled.  He began.  Days passed and I asked, "How's that book list coming?"

"Well... Ok", he replied.  "I'm having trouble.  I think I'm done and then I think of another one I really liked.  I keep drawing arrows because I can't decide what should be first and what should be next!"

I told him to forget the order and just write down what he would consider his top 25 as of today.

He struggled, admitting that he's read so many great stories.  Stories that have stretched his comprehension, expanded his vocabulary, developed his spelling ability, and impacted his play.  Stories that have sparked a love of adventure, taught him about right from wrong, fact from fiction, and have clued him in to what life may have been like in times past.

Having just turned 9, here is his list...
The list he could narrow to only 27.

The Holy Bible


The Chronicle's of Narnia by C.S. Lewis


Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll


The Boxcar Children by Gertrude Chandler Warner
(The original series, volumes 1-19)


Rascal by Sterling North


The Swiss Family Robinson by Johann David Wyss

Buffalo Bill by Mary R. Davidson

Shiloh by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

Justin Morgan Had a Horse by Marguerite Henry


Dolphin Adventure and Dolphin Treasure by Wayne Grover


Stone Fox by John Reynolds Gardiner


The Sugar Creek Gang by Paul Hutchens



On The Banks of Plum Creek by Laura Ingalls Wilder



The Littles by John Peterson


Homer Price by Robert McCloskey


Ben and Me by Robert W. Lawson


The Borrowers by Mary Norton


The Little Woodchopper by anon.


Ralph S. Mouse Collection by Beverly Cleary


The Sign of the Beaver by Elizabeth George Speare


Stuart Little by E.B. White



My Father's Dragon by Ruth Stiles Gannett


The Trumpet of the Swan by E.B. White


Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie


Black Beauty by Anna Sewell


The Little Pilgrims Progress by Helen Taylor


The Imagination Station by Paul McCusker (an Adventures in Odyssey series)

*We highly recommend offering children the original, unabridged versions of any book.  They are the author's original work and are undiluted.  They are often far richer than any abridged, or early reader versions.  See in the column on the right the article, "What is Twaddle" bookmarked on Delicious, for a better understanding.