Contentment

"But godliness with contentment is great gain."  

 1 Timothy 6:6

Contentment in motherhood.

Can it be had?  Can one truly be content, fulfilled, while cleaning toilets and wiping noses?

Day.  After day.  After day?

Everywhere you look, the general message given to younger women is "get out and get away".  "You need to recharge and catch your breath".  "You need to pamper yourself and have some fun!"  Many even offer, "your marriage will never last unless you leave your kids weekly and get out!"

Younger women often express that there is never enough of what is needed...  There is never enough time to be alone, time to spend with their husband without the children, time to spend with girlfriends, to travel, to get to the gym, to the spa or to the beach.

If our God supplies all our needs, if he is our provider, then why are we in need?  Or are we?  Are the things we lack necessities?  Is our attention on that which it should be on?  Is our attitude adjusted as it should be?

What about our focus?  Is it on Christ... or is it really on ourselves?

When women do go and leave their family and responsibilities behind in search of a break, what is the reentry like?  Are they rejuvenated, or left wanting more as they enter back into the reality of unclean laundry and hungry children?

Unfortunately, the advice often offered to women and the messages our culture gives leads to wanting more time away, as does the sinful nature.  We are told we are deserving of more freedom, yet doesn't freedom come with obedience to Christ?  We are led to believe we will lose our sanity if we are cooped up at home, particularly with small children.

Discontentment rises.  There is never enough.  We are taught that happiness, joy, and contentment can't be had at home.

These desires, this advice all run contrary to scripture.  Life is not about us.  Me.

"But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine...  Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good,  and so train the young women to love their husbands and children,  to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."  Titus 2:1, 3-5


Jesus, the King, came to serve not to be served.  

If we are to be sanctified with Christ should we not follow his example?  As mothers, he has put husbands and children in our lives for us to serve.  Contentment must not be something we seek outside of our position as wives and mothers, but should be something that overflows from our joy in serving Christ through service to our families.  Joy, fruit, born of the Spirit's active work within and through us.

Again, following Christ's example, our time alone should be in communion with the Father, and spent with those who will encourage us to fulfill our calling and edify our families and our roles as wives and mothers.  Our time spent away should not be reserved for self indulgence.  Escape does not equal rest.  Fleeing from responsibility will not rejuvenate.

Our time is not our own.  An egocentric lifestyle does not achieve contentment.  Contentment can only be had when we learn to have it.  It takes action and intentionality, but Christ provides the strength.  The strength for us to do all things through Him.  The strength to be consistent.  The strength to not only get through the mundane, but to be joyful as we wash dishes and wipe bottoms.

It is not escape or avoidance that restores, that fills the void.  Christ alone can fulfill.

I am truly thankful for the privilege of serving the husband and children God has given me.... 

The apostle Paul said, "...for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content."

... and I am learning.

A Time For Every Season

Can it be that summer has ended?

Can the long days of endless rays have passed?  Can autumn have arrived, that time of year when all things so lush and lovely die - or simply lie dormant for the coming frigid months?   The season, the months marked by illness, by silence, by darkness.  A stark contrast to the hot and hazy days at the lake.  Blowing bubbles, boys warming under the sun, sprawled on hot sand.

I recently read in a wonderful little book, One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp, that all new life is birthed out of darkness.  How true!  Don't I think the same every spring as new life emerges from the dark?  The days lengthen, the clouds make way for the gleaming sun.  Crocuses peek out from under the snow, the trees bud anew with the freshness of new life stemming from what appear to be lifeless limbs.  Newborns emerging from the darkness of a womb, lambs, piglets - tiny little people!

Without the darkness of the crucifixion there is no resurrection, no ascension.  Without darkness, there is no contrast of light.
There is a time for every season.

Oh to embrace the autumns of life, the assurance that we who believe, who trust in the One, will be delivered.

Looking back on the many autumns of life, how they seem to have brightened in time.  Seeing how the Lord has used them for good, for growth.  How those times of storms, of illness, of cold have been used to strengthen us  - our faith- in the One who hears and answers each and every request, every utterance made in His name.

Once upon a time, a dark time (or was it?), I was told by a college advisor at the completion of my junior year that I would not be accepted into the education program.  The lowest grade earned in an education class a B+.  A well known Christian college on the north shore of Boston, the advisor's only explanation, "We don't think you will pass the state teacher exam.  You don't test well and you will bring down our national ranking, therefore we won't have you in our program".   End of discussion.

What of the thousands of dollars spent on that "education"?  Never mind the money, when did national rankings become more important than an individual!?
When did test scores come to mean more than 
evidence of a job well done?
Did they not have a responsibility, as a Christian institution, as elders, mentors, professors and advisors, to teach me well?  To offer grace?  To let me try... and even fail?

Today, eleven years later... how different may my life have been had I received the degree that I'd earned and put it to use?  Would I have learned what it means to be submissive to my husband?  To be a wife, a help-meet, a keeper at home, a woman?  Would I have upheld my vows to him - for worse, for poorer... in sickness?

Would I have invested as much of my life, of myself, in raising Godly young men, or would I have gone the way of the vast majority...
...the luke-warm way?  

Would I have placed a higher priority on career had it been an option?

Would I have opted to go against the grain, teaching my own children at home, following the biblical directive to train them 24 hours a day seven days a week.  Would I have taken my responsibility as a wife and as a mother as seriously as I have or would I have delegated my responsibility to others more "qualified" by the world's standards.

Perhaps I would have.  Perhaps not.  Perhaps my convictions would have led me to do and be what God requires.  Regardless, that particular autumn has brought about spring.  I can now see a glimpse, in hindsight, of how God used that particular darkness.

That year as a college junior was filled with mixed emotions - autumn, winter, spring, and summer- rolled into one!  Dan and I engaged to be married, my being forced out of college - the only option to begin all over again with a different major- panic attacks, wedding plans, Dan's college graduation, me - a failure - without having failed.

How that autumn has shaped me.  My worldview, my thoughts on marriage, child training, parenting.  My thoughts on gender roles, feminism, women in the workplace.  My thoughts on education, on school, on intelligence, on life.

The autumn, the winter, beckons us to draw nearer to the warmth, to the light. The Light that is Christ.

The summer is past, autumn is upon us.

May I see His hand this season in ALL things - in the clouds, the snow, the bitter cold, the gray.  May I not only revel in His power and glory in the spring, but may I see, feel, His hand always upon us in autumn, in winter, in the seemingly dormant times of life as well.  If only I could have eyes to see, to find the light in the dark and to see more than the step just ahead.  

If only I could learn to look ahead and look beyond, to the spring that inevitably lies 
just on the other side of winter.

Your Brother. Your Neighbor. Your friend.

So how do you respond as a homeschool mom when your child begins to show concern for his younger brother's academic advancements?  When the older child worries because his siblings do some of the same curriculum?  I hear this often - older children concerned that their younger siblings may surpass them in particular areas, or feel that it's not fair for younger siblings to do the same work. Our oldest has begun to express similar sentiments.  Perhaps in your family the issue expressed by your oldest children is not in regard to academics, but in another area.

Sibling Rivalry, they call it.  "It's normal", they say.  "There's nothing you can do about it".

Isaiah and I discussed, and as we delved further into discussion, I found that our conversation turned quickly as we encroached upon the heart of the matter.


The heart being the heart of the matter.

Pride creeps in.  Selfishness takes root.  He begins to believe the lie that he must be better because he's older.  It's normal only because we are sinful beings.  Sibling rivalry may be normal, but it's also ugly.

Both of these boys are tremendously gifted.  One is cautious, calm, even-keeled.  One is charismatic, outspoken, and crashes hard at the end of each day.  For years we have watched this relationship develop between our oldest two sons.  They are each others best friend.  They have an understanding of each other and an ability to feed off of each others gifts that is just uncanny.  They communicate often without words, as they know each other so well that words aren't always needed.

Elijah is fast out of the gate, smiley, assertive, center of attention.  As he grows weary, Isaiah fills in the gap.  Just as assertive and pleasant he has the consistency but lacks the charisma.  They both lead but take turns leading.  One more comfortable in large crowds, the other prefers the smaller.

So, our discussion turned from his explanation of the matter, and the expression of his concerns to an explanation of the heart of the matter.  Along with the realization of the state of his heart came a sudden change of heart.

We talked about the function of our family.  We talked about how our family is a part of the body of Christ.  The body being one body, but many parts - Christ the head, each of us an arm, a leg, a thumb.  We giggled as he concluded that little Noah was a toe.  He was catching on.  He added that his father and I are the legs.  One without the other doesn't work as well.  He and Elijah an arm and a hand.  The hand doesn't work without the arm and the arm can't do much without the hand.  By now he was grinning from ear to ear.

Our conversation continued as we discussed that God is the gift giver.  We talked about how his gifts could be used to serve his brothers.  How his brother's gifts could be used to serve him.

He volunteered how much better it would be if he and his brothers encouraged each other and spurred each other on.  He volunteered that it would be so cool if Elijah could read what he read and do the math that he does - how much fun the schooling time would be, like how fun it is that they can ride bikes together and play football.  He recalled how it was he that taught Elijah those things too.  How Elijah wants to do what Isaiah does because he wants to be like Isaiah.  He began to see Elijah's efforts to do what he does as a compliment.

What "they" say matters not.  Sibling rivalry will not be the accepted norm in our home.  When biblical principles of trust, forgiveness and love are acted upon in a home, sibling rivalry cannot be accepted as normal.  There is no place for such disrespect amongst the commands of Christ that we strive daily to live out.

If love is patient, kind, does not envy, boast or be proud.  If love does not dishonor, is not self-seeking... if it always protects... there is no place for anything other.

Love your neighbor as yourself.

Is not your brother your neighbor?  Is there no greater commandment?!

The normal, the expected behavior of siblings is to rival.  To fight and bicker.  This is not what God expects of our children, and therefore it's not what we expect as parents.  How much more pleasant the home, the atmosphere, where children treat one another with love and with kindness.  Where they offer encouragement to one another and lift each other up.  Where they begin to display fruit of their own in their actions and words toward those God has placed in their lives, to live with them, to be their closest neighbors.

My discussion with Isaiah ended sweetly, with a reminder that God CHOSE Isaiah to be our first child, the older brother of Elijah and Noah.  God CHOSE, for now at least, for Elijah to the the middle child and Noah the baby.  God has given them each what is needed to fulfill the roles he gave them, to make their part of our larger body function as we follow the head, that is Christ.

Since Isaiah is the oldest, he has the added responsibility of helping train his younger siblings.  Elijah excels academically, in large part, because of the time and effort Isaiah has invested in teaching and encouraging him.  Isaiah is no less bright!  Reassurance of his position in our family, of his position before God, and a review of our and God's expectations seemed to bring a sigh of relief to a little boy.

"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you:  Do not think of yourselves more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgement, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you." Romans 12:3   

Where the Practical Meets the Fanciful

When beginning this blogging adventure, researching and dreaming of what direction God may lead, listening to the encouragement of good friends, and Mom...

praying...

Knowing I am not a writer, english classes never were my thing.  With only three years of college under my belt - four really- and no degree to show for it {that's a story for another day}, I wondered -and still do- about how God may use me.  With millions of blogs on the web, maybe more, what can I offer?  Why does this seem to be God's leading for a girl who always hated, always failed, English?

Those questions have yet to be answered, but Dan's words of wisdom stand out in my mind.

"Your job, your goal, is to find where the 

practical meets the fanciful..."

He does this well and I have learned, am still learning.
What is it that can make the ordinary beautiful?

The everyday worthy of a second glance or a photograph?

What is it that I love about the holes in the knees of my
boys' jeans?

The weeds that flower?

Why is the old, the rustic and the antique sometimes more lovely than
the new, the shiny and the modern?

Why does wisdom often come with age
- not always- but often?

Where do practical and fanciful meet?

Me, the practical.  Dan, the fanciful.

Polar opposites, practical and fanciful, yet the intersection is often beautiful.

Fanciful without practicality is imagination.
Ornamental.  Unrealistic.
Practical without fanciful is dull.
Unimaginative.  Boring.

Practical intertwined with the fanciful must lead to the realization of the dream.

Fulfillment.

Perhaps the Jews in Old Testament times felt much the same.  The words of the prophets yet to be fulfilled.  The waiting for the realization, the fulfillment, of Old Testament prophecy.

With Jesus, the two intersect - practical and fanciful.

Perfection.

Faithfulness

A continuation of Gratitude ...

Over the years, I have had the great privilege of watching my husband grow in faithfulness.   The faithfulness that Dan continually displayed throughout the storms of the past years is admirable and encouraging.

He allows God to work through him, recognizing that it's not about the work he does so much as it is about being available and prepared to be used by God in whatever way, shape or form the Lord chooses.  His faith has truly been tested, and he has displayed great faith by continuing to follow the path lit before him, even when the step ahead seemed just a faint shadow.

I am honored to be the wife of a faithful, God-fearing man.

One of Dan's favorite devotionals is
Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest.
Please click the link to read an excerpt on faithfulness.   Though succinct and simple, Chamber's words here provide a worthwhile definition of faithfulness, and touch on ways we often distort the meaning of the word, and what is needed to grow in faithfulness.